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| 3 of Pastor Nahum's orphans: Cheche, Wilkens, and Mack Joseph |
To
be part of their lives feels scandalous and I’m torn. Oh God, help me! The
disparity—it kills. Do they know how after sharing life together over the
last few years, where I've fully exposed my heart and in turn they
did the same for me—how there are days when none of it seems real to me? I think I’m a make believe character
who was created to journey to a fictional place. Strangely, my name is
still Rochelle and everything in my life I believed to be real is still
there. But it is real? Is Haiti real?
It’s
been 3 years since I first felt the wild heart passion of God to care for the
orphans, poor, and needy. I made the choice to do whatever He wanted me
to do but I never could have prepared myself for what that would mean.
There at that crossroads, when Jesus told me to love them and I did it, God
began doing a new thing in my life and it was as if a door to everything I used
to be was closed behind me. Part of me wishes to go back—that I’d never
left my old life. Because
on the other side of the door, where God is doing the “new thing”, the road is
much more narrow, often lonely, and everywhere I look there’s an awful lot of
suffering. And just as sure as you’re reading this, it’s all very
real. Repeatedly I’m faced with the choice to sacrifice my own
abundance or keep it all to myself and, if I’m transparently honest, I’d admit
sometimes I’d rather just keep it all to myself and skip the whole sacrifice
part. I figure I can go ahead and tell you the ugly truth since God
already knows it to be true—how I don’t always make the sacrifice.
Sometimes I feel like I've already sacrificed enough on this Jesus
journey and it’d be nice if I could call a timeout or get someone else to sub
for me. As if my life
journey with Jesus is some sort of game where timeouts and subs are allowed, I
look to the sidelines and I'm tripping. Put me on the bench. I need
a breather and want to sit out a quarter or two.
But
I know in my heart that’s not the right choice.
I
can remember the Maker speaking to my soul in a Whisper and you wouldn't
believe how I like it when that Voice stirs down deep, beckoning me to take the
next step, to persevere on this mysterious faith journey. I love my
Jesus, my Comfort, my Peace, my Strength and my Joy.
I
was created for this.
At
the sound of His Whisper my heart beats faster. Somewhere inside is a
girl whose goal is to search with every last breath to find the Face of the
Voice that matches this Whisper.
Somewhere inside is a girl who loves like Jesus and tries to understand what
people living in extreme poverty, people like Pastor Nahum and those in his
village, might be feeling. She is the girl who embraces the struggles of
the broken with a fighting hope. I swear she exists and she hurts deeply
for the heaping number of suffering children and their families she sees
everywhere in Mirebalais, Haiti.
The
poverty is severe and from what I've seen, it defines the lives of every single
living person in this small forgotten village. And when I’m standing there staring
it all in the face and I know this is the place where my twin daughters were
once destined to live—that’s when I feel crazy. I’m somewhere between
doubt and fear. Something inside of me collapses—it’s then, at that moment—that’s
when I wish none of it were real. My flesh screams for me to run and
pretend I never saw or heard how there’s a whole village of children living in
overwhelming suffering.
But
I can't do that.
Their
pain...it’s tattooed on my heart now. And their voices...they cry out
like a song on repeat. Over and over, I hear them
even when I'm here....even with the Atlantic Ocean separating us.
They
need help.
I
don’t have much but I can tell the world their stories…I can be their
voice. Yes. To be
their voice—that’s what I hear the Whisper calling me to do. My Jesus
created me for such a time as this. Everything overwhelming starts to
fade because I've seen what small acts of love motivated by the Maker
can do—how ordinary plain people like you and me can choose to give this love
and how it miraculously transforms the lives of the unlovely and lonely—the
same way it did for my baby girls...the same way it does for me when I'm broken
and desperate.
To
be sure, a little dose of love empowers the smallest and weakest of all
creatures to do great things. Here’s what I like to
think: I like to think,
motivated by absolutely nothing other than God’s love, the church will be
driven to stand up and reach out to the poor and forgotten. The result
will be stunning! God’s brilliant glory shining in the form of hope and
joy will beam from the faces of children pulled up from the dark pits of
brokenness, poverty, and oppression. I suppose it’s my hope that the
church will be the church and that gives me strength on this journey…it's what keeps
me from bolting when the glaring needs of multitudes of people in Pastor
Nahum’s village weigh heavy. I
believe the church will respond to our Haitian sisters and brothers once they
hear their stories. I really believe this.
So,
when I feel like escaping is the only clear and proper rational thing to do, I
beg God to keep my feet planted with the least of these. I ask Him to give me more of His
untamed love, to keep me close to the poor, and to help me speak up once more
for the voiceless—to do it over and over, again and again, even when I don’t
feel like it.
Jesus, I know You are
there. Forever, until the day I take my last breath, I want to seek Your
face. You are my goal. I need You, Jesus. Keep my soul
believing in Your love and believing in it for Pastor Nahum’s whole big
suffering village of people. I know You've intricately woven this village
of people so tightly into my life for a purpose and I believe Your love has the
power to change their lives and bring You glory. Jesus, will You pour out
Your blessings of love and mercy on this place? I wait for You.
Amen
Nice work.ministries
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