Through Our Hearts and Hands

"God makes a home for the lonely..."  Psalm 68:6

Bonding.  Attachment.  Not sure. I know it's all post adoption lingo that labels various behaviors and a few times when I’ve wanted to sound practiced as an adoptive mom I've even used those words.  Like the other night when we were at home group and the girls were content sitting with other people in our group until I got up and walked into the kitchen.  They chased after me...my mini shadows followed close behind.  I reacted with a confident half-laugh as I announced to the group, "I love how they are bonding so well."  


Ha!  Here's the truth.  I haven't read a single book or done the research to know if I was even making any sense.  The girls could’ve chased after me because they knew there was food in the kitchen and they are all about food.  Some of you are laughing with me right now.  Then there's the social workers, maybe even my own, and all the proper adoptive parents gasping with disgust and disbelief.  


I messed up a whole lot during our journey to bring our babies home.  I was faithless countless times.  Then there was that time when fear nearly overwhelmed...we almost quit.  It's true.  But God's grace in our lives and His love for Raphaella and Wana was way bigger than the pitiful mess I am.    


Ahh…I'm so thankful.  So wildly unbelievably grateful that God didn't let us quit.  We would have missed out on so much.  Somehow our faith so mustard seed small intertwined with God's faithfulness and the miracles happened.  He set His good and precious gifts in our hands.  What was invisible for so long became visible.  God gave us miracle gifts.  Today we see them.  We hold them.  They are ours.

My incompetence in all of this was never a secret and still isn't.  I didn't meet the qualifications needed to actually complete an international adoption from a corrupt government in a 3rd world country and I don’t have the all the skills to parent adopted twins or even our three biological children for that matter.  Missing the mark more than once a day, our story is written as one big testimony of the mighty power of our living God using us in all of our weaknesses.  And I love how God works like this because it completely eliminates the possibility of misplacing the glory.  People who know us would laugh so hard they’d pee their pants at the idea of us being even remotely capable of doing any of this in our own strength.  They know we are not rich, charming, clever, patient... 


It’s not possible to look at us with our little twin treasures in our arms without seeing God’s hand in the details.  All glory belongs to God and to Him alone! 

My heart is melting into the tiny new lives running through our home.  Call it what you want but I know it's more than the result of simply following the "how to parent your adopted child" rules in a book.  I'm not claiming the books are not good and helpful...I'm just saying this heart melting is happening despite my negligence to carve out the time to read those books.  


I don't understand it all but I know God has everything to do with it. 


The Spirit of God’s adoptive heart is teaching me new things every day...revealing His unparalleled love for me. 


Wana fell down yesterday and started crying.  It wasn’t a serious fall.  Dopping the toy she had been playing with was far more upsetting to her than any physical pain caused by the fall.  I could have spoken a few gentle words to her and handed her toy back.  That would have fixed everything. 


But something made me see myself when I looked down at the tears running down her cheeks. 


I went to where Wana had fallen, put her toy back in her hand, embraced her in my arms, and whispered love over her. Her heavy cry faded almost instantly but she wasn’t quite ready to leave this place.  She wrapped her little brown arms around my neck and I drew her up close and tight my nose pressed against her tear covered cheek.  I lavished all the affection I possibly could over my little Wana and in that moment our love for each other grew higher than the sky.  I was assuring her that she doesn’t live the orphan life anymore.  I was letting her know that when she falls she will always have a mommy and daddy to pick her up, hold her tight, and wipe away her tears.  She has a forever family.  We didn't leave her as an orphan.  


To some this might have seemed insignificant but it caused something to burn deep in my soul.  In the midst of comforting her I could hear God’s whisper through Wana’s tapering cries.  He reminded me how many times He's picked me up when I've fallen and consoled me as long as I wanted Him to.  He told me I was also created for a forever family...because of His redeeming love and the sacrifice of Jesus Christ He has made me His adopted child and He’s preparing my eternal home now.  He reminded me that He will not leave me as an orphan.      


I took in a deep breath and wanted the moment to last longer than Wana.  It was His love flowing from my heart and hands that created the safe place for her.  But then she wiggled out of my arms.  As I watched her toddle off in her cute sassy toddling way God deepened my passion to care for the orphans even more than ever before.  I thought of how different things could have been apart from God’s miracles.  How easily Raphaella and Wana could still be orphaned.  I remembered the sacrifice Pastor Nahum and his wife made for our twins...they were so near death.

 ...and how they continue in this sacrifice for all of their orphans.  

I thought of Pastor Nahum’s orphans who live in such primitive conditions they can’t be matched with families for adoption.  

Then I was overcome by God’s mercy.  He wants to use our hearts and hands to show the orphans His love in a real way.  In a way where they can actually feel the warmth and comfort of a hug and know they are valuable and not forgotten.  I’m amazed how even in all my brokenness and failures God wants to use me to reflect His love.  How is it that He allowed me to go?  To see some of them hurting or crying alone?  To pick them up?  To hold them tight?  To make them laugh?  To use my heart and hands to give them His love?  


God tells me I was created for those moments and they were not insignificant.  Not a single one was insignificant in His eyes.


He will not leave us as orphans...he's coming for us.


We only have a short opportunity to walk as Jesus did.  By God's grace we don't have to leave them as orphans...we can go to them.